Go On, Be Broken, It's Totally Okay.

 This is a special dedication to all my friends who lost loved ones in the beginning of this year, and especially those who have lost a Dad or a Mum, this year or in the past years.


The other day, I was thinking

No parent should have to bury their children

It is un-natural

But then again, losing a parent has to be the most painful thing on earth if you do not have kids yet.

All your parent was to you,

An anchor,

A mentor,

Your guide,

Your voice of reason.

To think all that is gone,

Is too much to bear, esp when you do not have a little one to pass the mentoring and the guiding to.

You see, when you have your own family, your kids, your husband/wife, at least you "try" to keep it together for them.

But if you are single... SMH.

Anyway, I have lost a parent and I still think of them every single day, believe it or not.

Sometimes I don't understand why people who come to grieve with you tell you to be strong, as in, why be strong? If there is ever a time for you to be broken, it's now, so that God can give you strength. 
(Psalm 51:17 says "A broken and contrite heart Oh God, you will not despise ")

So when you ever get yourself in that place, where you want to scream and not give a damn about who hears, when you feel like a cold sword is pierced right through your heart every time you think of your loved one who has passed on, 

When your heart races when you smell his/her scent, 

Or when your eyes swell with tears when you pass by his/her bedroom, 

Let go! 

Fall down to the floor if you have to, 

hug your knees if you have to, 

wail if you have to.

For it is better to be broken now, than to realize 11yrs down the line, that you never got over the passing of your beloved mum/dad. 

Then, only then, will you KNOW the importance of letting go, and being broken.

Stop, just stop it!

You want to relate with me now

Where were you when I needed someone
When I needed advice
When I needed a shoulder to cry on

Just because we have the same kind of blood flowing in our veins doesn't mean that you know what is right for me
Just because we have the same kind of blood flowing in our veins doesn't mean you have the right to manipulate me

Back in the day, when I knew I had no one in my corner
I went out on my own
Made my own way, by God's grace
And I knew that I could make it with God on my side

Now you want to tell me that I am making the wrong choices
Now you want to tell me that I should do it different
Now you want to tell me that it is not in His Will

If God was to direct me, he would use someone,
Yes,
But He would also let me in on His plan
That is the benefit of having a relationship with Him
God is not selfish with His plans
God does not go against His Word


So sorry if I don't seem brilliant enough
Sorry if I don't seem prudent enough with my choices now
But I have a God who always leads me to the right track,
And never once has He let me down
Sorry if I don't follow what you instruct
Don't feel offended

IM USED TO DOING THIS ALONE WITH NO ONE IN MY CORNER BUT GOD.

Its May Again.

Dear God, 

I’ve been told,  

that if I’m sad,  

You can make me happy.  

But I’ve been in pain,  

almost every day.  

It all started 

when Dad went away.  

All kinds of people said that You took him,  

and that I shouldn't worry or cry.  

But you know what? 

I don’t care what they say,  

because they have not the slightest idea of what’s in my heart.  

All I know is that my Dad being gone is tearing me apart.  

You see, truth is, I miss him so much,

but as long as he is spending time with you, 

I think it kinda makes it better for me. 

Just before I go, I have one request. 

Tell me how mum does it. 

Tell me how she has managed to keep her cool all this while. 

You see I have poetry, I have dance, 

all these I can use to vent out unspeakable sentiments- 

all I’ll need is my journal and pen. 

But mum, 

she has nothing. 

No one to hug her. 

No one to make her feel safe. 

I try to make her feel special, 

but at times that’s not like having someone around. 

So this time, don’t concentrate on these tears here that are streaming down my cheeks as I type this... 

This time round, I'd love it if You’d make her happy. 

Make her smile. 

Tell her that her kids love her, and tell her that I’ll make sure we have made 1,000,000 more sweet memories before she meets Dad.

Feelings 2012 (by Dark Angel on Monday, 9th January 2012 at 1958 Hrs).

Smiling, you pull me and

my bundled blanket

close, running your hands

everywhere at once

and not thinking

to take your own clothes off

till I remind you with a

sweet tug at your heavy belt.

This is the way

every women wants to be touched,

a smiling man

with gentle skin, close.

Every inch of my body

reacts to your finger tips,

I can feel it blushing

with pure excitement

as you look at me with

such adoration,

lust dripping off your lips

making me feel entirely too accepted

and I want those magic hands

to touch all the secret parts of me,

the parts know one knows.

We lay here with our thighs

rubbing against each other

and our skin gets sticky,

in this sweet, skanky, simple embrace

that's not quite love,

not quite pleasure,

just a nice mixture of both.

Heaviness In This Heart Of Mine.

I knew it.
No one would understand.
That is why I never wanted to tell it in the 1st place.

Strike one,
Still what was pre-concieved,
Is what was shown.

Is there really a need to get more confirmation?
Confirmation that we, humans
Are too judgmental for our own good?

Should we blame the society?
The media?
Our lost culture?

But these are my 'top of the list'...
And they too fall under this...
Judgmental abyss!

But I am no better
Than they are.
Even if I do not voice it out as they do,
I still think it.
Sin is sin in the end right?

God, please give me a heart like yours-
So that I can love unconditionally,
And give generously.

So as to see a little bit of You,
In them, as well as me,
No matter how they make me feel.

Remind me
Everyday,
That no matter what is said, I am yours.

It Is You I Love To Kiss.

I love kissing you

Your lips, so tender and soft

You draw me with your scent

You invite me with your stare

You are always there for me

This even makes me want to kneel

I have known you for years

Yet the very sight of you still makes me shiver

And when I draw close to kiss you

And I capture your scent

Warm breath

Skin texture...

All this drives me madd.

Then it happens

Our lips touch

My breath is robbed

You are my heart throb

This is sweet

Almost too sweet to be true

But it is true-and everytime I see you

Even if we are in the company of others-I want to

Kiss you

Feel you

One For The Ladies.

When you are busy telling her

She is too skinny

She does not have hips

She is too wide

She is fat

Before you go on telling

Your girlfriend that

1^st make sure that she is not the settler

Are you all she wants?

Are you even clean enough for her?

Are you her height?

Do you even treat her right?

Would you be insecure when you leave her with your friend, afraid that your friend will win her favour more than you ever could coz your friend is more of a gentleman?

Is it true when a man criticizes your appearance, he is actually worried about his own?

Or is he just being an a$$.

Are the girls who starve themselves  for a man, emotionally handicapped, or are they truly in love such that they do what their men want them to do?

And ladies, when a man says you are too thin, or too fat, and you start working towards pleasing him, despite the fact that you were perfectly healthy in the 1^st place, what does that say about you, about him, about your so called ‘union’?

What happens if he dies tomorrow?

This is one for the ladies, telling them a real man (as much as they are ‘seers’ so to say), would know that with you, he has the world, and that beauty is on the inside.

And if its the case of you not looking as good as you used to, he would lose/gain that weight, with you, to show you support, and he would communicate it in a way that would never occur to you that you are doing this coz he said so.

Men, yours is next.