3:37 am.

I am complex

I can laugh heartily

I can wail for days

I am mostly happy

When I am out

But in my house I wail like a little girl

I can't control it sometimes

Sometimes a song can get me started

Other times the tears come as I sit in silence (I sit in silence a lot)

I ask myself why I cry so much

I make up reasons even I start believing

But deep down I know why

I know why I cry

I know when I am about to cry

When I wake up, I can tell, "This is the day that I will cry."

On my crying days, I will always be awake at 3:37 am

Praying to God that nobody hears my wailing

Sitting on my bed... dreaming

Dreaming of what it would be like if life was different

If I was born a boy instead of a girl

If I didn't study hard in school

If I didn't think too much about how people see me

If I didn't want to fix the world

If I didn't feel my close friends' pain inside me so deeply that it gave me sleepless nights

If I didn't overthink every single issue

If I did not have anxiety

If I didn't feel the need to have everything around me in a straight line or upright at a ninety degree angle

If I didn't know what drunkards truly felt at that hour

If I didn't know the feel of a slap on my face

If I hadn't seen the devil behind angry eyes

It's 3:37 am

Deal.

We met unexpectedly,

What you felt was nobody's fault,

Neither was what I felt.

None of this was planned.

Reality check,

I belong to another, 

I am happy.

I am at fault for being 'here' - you need to deal.

I try to cushion the fall,

I am kind with my words and in my explanation,

You will have none of it.

You are condescending towards me - you need to deal.

I am a human being,

You just don't talk to me how you want,

You are not the only one with feelings.
Even if I am not as harsh as you are with your words - you need to deal.

I find myself coming back to mend bridges,

I believe our friendship is worth saving,

For what it's worth, I still do.

But you punish me for being on a different wavelength - you need to deal. 

Last call,

If you want to be friends, quit the pointing fingers,

Quit the blame game; quit the condescending remarks.

Enjoy my essence as I enjoy yours - and start dealing.