Ish

Ish…

Ish is her crazy side
She makes them wish, others imagine they could dish
a move or two, just to see her smile - beamish;
Angelfish.
She embodies the word amazing, even while being a lil bit boyish.
Even when she is in anguish, she has the strength to cherish, when she knows she shouldn’t!
Now, you might find that cartoonish,
but I find that strongish.

Rugano…

Rugano is the lady, ever so a daisy.
You do not need to know her, to know that she is dainty
Her pics bring out the daisy – curvy…….
her words ever so friendly.
Sassy,
Even ballsy (so don’t think u can mess with her).

Ish Rugano……..just goddessy.

Tortura de mí en su lugar

Tortura de mí en su lugar
Yo quiero ser el uno
que tranquiliza a sus miedos;
que borro tus lágrimas;
que siempre está ahí-
ahora y para siempre.

He was...

...
deep
gentle
kind
considerate
sensitive
funny
thoughtful
respectful
responsible
caring
strong
authoritative
loving
sympathetic
kind...

and now,
he holds my hand when i want to be held,
he knows exactly how a long warm fuzzy hug perks me up,
he understands me even without having to explain myself,
he does not hold back, he openly shows his affection towards me,
he actually puts in alot of effort into seeing me,
he is driven crazy if he does not hear my voice for a couple of hours,
he appreciates the things i love most, and even if he does not understand them, he still endures them... just coz it is important to me, and surprisingly some of them, are his faves too.
...my idea of romantic, is his too,
he kisses gently
from my lips
my back
my shoulder,
the nape of my neck,
my cheeks,
my forehead too.
when i say "i love you", he doesn't hesitate to say with such assurety "i love you too", regardless of where he is, or whom he is with.
All this, i wish i could tell him, but i'm afraid.
I am afraid he will leave like the last... and i can't take that again.

For now, i'll just pour out my heart in ink, on my journal.

R.I.P Darling

Im shocked, sad,

Im broken, grieving,

Im shaken.

You never know what impact

people have on you until you have them no more.

I feel stupid

I feel selfish

For all those chances i had to tell you how much u REALLY mean to me, and i dint.

For all those times I never got in touch-thinking you’d be around forever, but now you’re gone.

I will never get to feel your warm heartfelt hug anymore
the gentle kiss on the cheek
the genuine look that said "I know u said your fine, but how are you REALLY doing".
Im sorry 

Im angry

Im crying.
You were one person who took "us", us whom society had termed hopeless, dreamers
Us who did not know how to express all the deep stuff we felt,
u took us in, understood us, and gave us the gift we will always have.

I miss you

And the thot of never having to:

See you

Laugh with you

Dance with you…

Tears me apart

But I know you are in a better place now.

Foolishness.

I am angry
At what im feeling
At what my soul is yearning
No control, i am having
Thoughts of him are only looming
Thoughts of wanting
To scream and haul obscenities
At  the same time embrace and forgive a mistake realized
Torn between being myself
And standing up for myself
(trust me, they aint the same, esp in this case)
So im here
Talking to him
sharing what we used to share
grown up talks
silly jokes
but in my head
not in reality. 
I guess im a coward
and for now il settle for this foolishness
inside my head.

The Aftermath.

Its done.
Words were exchanged, views heard, opinions tabled,
But now im lost, I wanna go back to the day i was fighting for this
back to lack
back to a yearning of all this
because now that i have it all
i find it a lil bit less (or if you may, more) than what i bargained for.
Im sorry i came across as heartless
Im sorry i hurt this heart that you so willingly gave me
truth iz im still freshly hurt
and maybe you were right
maybe i shud be alone
i dont want to come across as 1 who strings people along
i dont want to "end up like you" as you once said
I just want to be me
And Emm is careful
Emm is cautious
Emm never wants to regret on any decision she makes
and that is why she takes thaaaat long to make up her mind
and get rid of her hangups. 
"So they say its best to go our separate ways"... ringing over in my mind
after coming to the realization that you were right all along, i just dint see it.
So i will indeed search and get rid of all the cobwebs and demons that so brutally disturbed everyone around me,
All in the hope of finding you once im done
coz i still want to be the one you think of most of the day
and u, the one i think of calling 1st, wen i think of something silly.