Stop, just stop it!

You want to relate with me now

Where were you when I needed someone
When I needed advice
When I needed a shoulder to cry on

Just because we have the same kind of blood flowing in our veins doesn't mean that you know what is right for me
Just because we have the same kind of blood flowing in our veins doesn't mean you have the right to manipulate me

Back in the day, when I knew I had no one in my corner
I went out on my own
Made my own way, by God's grace
And I knew that I could make it with God on my side

Now you want to tell me that I am making the wrong choices
Now you want to tell me that I should do it different
Now you want to tell me that it is not in His Will

If God was to direct me, he would use someone,
Yes,
But He would also let me in on His plan
That is the benefit of having a relationship with Him
God is not selfish with His plans
God does not go against His Word


So sorry if I don't seem brilliant enough
Sorry if I don't seem prudent enough with my choices now
But I have a God who always leads me to the right track,
And never once has He let me down
Sorry if I don't follow what you instruct
Don't feel offended

IM USED TO DOING THIS ALONE WITH NO ONE IN MY CORNER BUT GOD.

Its May Again.

Dear God, 

I’ve been told,  

that if I’m sad,  

You can make me happy.  

But I’ve been in pain,  

almost every day.  

It all started 

when Dad went away.  

All kinds of people said that You took him,  

and that I shouldn't worry or cry.  

But you know what? 

I don’t care what they say,  

because they have not the slightest idea of what’s in my heart.  

All I know is that my Dad being gone is tearing me apart.  

You see, truth is, I miss him so much,

but as long as he is spending time with you, 

I think it kinda makes it better for me. 

Just before I go, I have one request. 

Tell me how mum does it. 

Tell me how she has managed to keep her cool all this while. 

You see I have poetry, I have dance, 

all these I can use to vent out unspeakable sentiments- 

all I’ll need is my journal and pen. 

But mum, 

she has nothing. 

No one to hug her. 

No one to make her feel safe. 

I try to make her feel special, 

but at times that’s not like having someone around. 

So this time, don’t concentrate on these tears here that are streaming down my cheeks as I type this... 

This time round, I'd love it if You’d make her happy. 

Make her smile. 

Tell her that her kids love her, and tell her that I’ll make sure we have made 1,000,000 more sweet memories before she meets Dad.

Feelings 2012 (by Dark Angel on Monday, 9th January 2012 at 1958 Hrs).

Smiling, you pull me and

my bundled blanket

close, running your hands

everywhere at once

and not thinking

to take your own clothes off

till I remind you with a

sweet tug at your heavy belt.

This is the way

every women wants to be touched,

a smiling man

with gentle skin, close.

Every inch of my body

reacts to your finger tips,

I can feel it blushing

with pure excitement

as you look at me with

such adoration,

lust dripping off your lips

making me feel entirely too accepted

and I want those magic hands

to touch all the secret parts of me,

the parts know one knows.

We lay here with our thighs

rubbing against each other

and our skin gets sticky,

in this sweet, skanky, simple embrace

that's not quite love,

not quite pleasure,

just a nice mixture of both.

Heaviness In This Heart Of Mine.

I knew it.
No one would understand.
That is why I never wanted to tell it in the 1st place.

Strike one,
Still what was pre-concieved,
Is what was shown.

Is there really a need to get more confirmation?
Confirmation that we, humans
Are too judgmental for our own good?

Should we blame the society?
The media?
Our lost culture?

But these are my 'top of the list'...
And they too fall under this...
Judgmental abyss!

But I am no better
Than they are.
Even if I do not voice it out as they do,
I still think it.
Sin is sin in the end right?

God, please give me a heart like yours-
So that I can love unconditionally,
And give generously.

So as to see a little bit of You,
In them, as well as me,
No matter how they make me feel.

Remind me
Everyday,
That no matter what is said, I am yours.

It Is You I Love To Kiss.

I love kissing you

Your lips, so tender and soft

You draw me with your scent

You invite me with your stare

You are always there for me

This even makes me want to kneel

I have known you for years

Yet the very sight of you still makes me shiver

And when I draw close to kiss you

And I capture your scent

Warm breath

Skin texture...

All this drives me madd.

Then it happens

Our lips touch

My breath is robbed

You are my heart throb

This is sweet

Almost too sweet to be true

But it is true-and everytime I see you

Even if we are in the company of others-I want to

Kiss you

Feel you

One For The Ladies.

When you are busy telling her

She is too skinny

She does not have hips

She is too wide

She is fat

Before you go on telling

Your girlfriend that

1^st make sure that she is not the settler

Are you all she wants?

Are you even clean enough for her?

Are you her height?

Do you even treat her right?

Would you be insecure when you leave her with your friend, afraid that your friend will win her favour more than you ever could coz your friend is more of a gentleman?

Is it true when a man criticizes your appearance, he is actually worried about his own?

Or is he just being an a$$.

Are the girls who starve themselves  for a man, emotionally handicapped, or are they truly in love such that they do what their men want them to do?

And ladies, when a man says you are too thin, or too fat, and you start working towards pleasing him, despite the fact that you were perfectly healthy in the 1^st place, what does that say about you, about him, about your so called ‘union’?

What happens if he dies tomorrow?

This is one for the ladies, telling them a real man (as much as they are ‘seers’ so to say), would know that with you, he has the world, and that beauty is on the inside.

And if its the case of you not looking as good as you used to, he would lose/gain that weight, with you, to show you support, and he would communicate it in a way that would never occur to you that you are doing this coz he said so.

Men, yours is next. 

Too Soon.

Four days, till the lil' one's anniversary
No one ever got to know her
No one ever got to know how she looked
How she spoke
How she'd impact all of us

Her mother wishes she never listened to her family
Her mother always winces at the mention of a hospital
She winces whenever there is an advert on this issue
She went ahead and got rid of all that reminded her, of this issue
Needles, spirit, basins, scissors...her house has none of these

She would have been turning 5 this year
She would have already gotten into kindergarten, pre-school and all that
Maybe she would have been the ray of hope her mother always seems to search
She would have been her mother's healing gush of wind whenever she smiled

There's so much to talk about
But my question is, how do you get to help a grieving mother
Mothers pass away, fathers too, even siblings
and it hurts as hell...
But there is something that happens when a mother looses her child
To a miscarriage or even to a procured abortion behind misinformation

As a friend, how do you comfort this mother
How do you make her understand that God is love
What do you even say to her
No words suffice, all you can do is be there
Even while being there tears you apart 'coz it seems so little.

Well, you would be surprised how many women go through this everyday
This pain
They mask it all behind their smiles, partying, drugs, drinking and busy schedules
If you do not have a keen eye
You would never notice.

Next time you see a woman, take time to just listen to her
You never know, you may be a well sought after shoulder to lean on.

What's A Girl To Do?

He is
My rock
Never tires
To want me to smile
Even when I do not want to

He honestly wants the best for me
And he loves the hell out of me
Literally

Even when I do not believe in myself,
He believes in me
He could bet his last dime on me
Even if the odds are otherwise

What do you do to such a person?
How do you repay him
How much is an 'enough'

Words don't count
Actions seem cliche
The pair of them don't do him (or me) any justice
What's a girl to do?

Dilemma.

A year I have known you...
Finally I admit how I feel...
We start something nice...

A month down the line we become friends
The next thing I heard was
"Anonymous Angel, I wanna know you more than just a friend"
...then i think to myself, "Cute eyes", but they lie...

Cute eyes,
Awesome body structure,
Nice bumm,
I wanna know more about you
The way we stare deep into each other's eyes,
The way we steal glances,
What's not to like?

Kills me that there ain't no hope for us tomorrow
But I think I feel for you, strongly
But it ain't right,
I'm just a side dish.

I would have loved to know you better
I almost let my guard down for you
We can can never have a straight conversation
A relationship is a two way traffic

The game continues many months down the line
I did my part to even know you
But you still are playing the game
How long should we keep playing though?

I was unable to end this but the concept is;
These are three men
One is married and I love him
The second is single and wants me but I'm giving him the chance and he keeps hurting me
The third is a cute guy from head to toe, all we do is keep looking at each other and say nothing-
-scared of even saying hi, and he be
The person I wanna be with.

Anonymous Angel.

Protection.

The pain is getting too much,
Too much that it feels so good inside,
the wall I built was to protect me.

I met you, you doubted my pain
I can't demolish the wall just yet
Yes you've never hurt me, we just met
And yes I'm not right for not letting you in
But who said I should let you in anyways
I'm just looking out for me.

Days go by; you visit, I smile
But is it really enough for me to let my guard down just coz...?
Sorry I'm not pushing you away for the mistake made by others
I'm just protecting myself.

Tommorow comes, you pinch my heart
I can't even stand you name today
What was it you said again?
"stop punishing me for the mistakes made by others"
So was this "others", or entirely you?

It tarts all over again
I love my pain
The wall I keep building, I build to protect me.

Anonymous Angel.

Leg, Skin and Kneed.

I saw her saunter through

A crowd expectant and a cloud alike

The showers sought to rain on her

From the praise to the March of rains

Just imagine a drop falling from the sky

Missed the pretty face, contoured shape

And landed on her neck's nape

Dripped down to her back - no ache

Almost as if a massage had come her way

Slipped between the twins her bra draped

And just tickled her tummy, oops that made her shake

Her navel contained it but stopped not its descent.

But not just a drop, a drizzle or a patter

It's turning into a party, a water dripping bonanza

Her hair she sheltered before it blew her cover

Her face she shielded; she could pose for various covers

Her fingers droplets shape

Her brolly aware of what's at stake

Deflecting the relentless, ever wanting wets

So just imagine when one evaded all those shields

A drop of water happened to find her knee

Chocolate glazed and glowing in the dark

Talk of a black beauty, Karma can't handle that

Inches it takes her to notice this

That the droplet of water sealed in a little kiss.

~By Number 1. 

Leg, Skin, Knee.

So today,
I exposed some leg.
People’s eyes beg.
Faces sweat.
Men with tongues out.
Women with envy in their eyes.
Just coz of this leg.
My leg.
Ebony.
Thick.
Attached to thighs that don’t quit.

 
Today, 

I exposed some skin
In, it has been,
For a while, like gin in an inn
And like the under of a fish’s fin.
Chocolate, they call its color,
I’m not one to know,
Never been good with colors
But ‘it’ gets humans crazy
Some just want to get close, smell it-me
And when they do, they want to be conjoined twins,
Others, just want to be involved in mortal sin,
Deadly sin-the kind that consumes.
The modest ones start talking of me being their next of kin
They say I have light within
A light they have been searching
But I leave, strut away, to the sound of a sad violin
And they are left pale, like a flour bin.

So, today,
I exposed my knees
Funny how, they are a key
To so many things
I left the house, and I was on a compliment-ee
spree
I just wanted to see
To what degree, all the hes’
And shes’ surprisingly
Would take a moment to look at the vitamin D
hitting the chocolate ebony lotioned soft knees
So some started shouting things
calling me the Mediterranean sea-vast
The Africanized honey bee-royal
European olive tree-valued
This time I din’t get mad, I took it all in
To a tolerate-able degree.

I Could Die...

Today I realized
How easily I can be swept
right out of the face of the earth




And unlike how we see it in movies
Not have the people 'who matter' close by
To exit this world in their presence


It could happen while the randomest of people watch
Worst still, it could happen at any time, in any place
Though the movies have on thing right





Your life does indeed flash before you
And the most you remember from that (life flashing by)

Is who you never told that you love, and regretting what you never did.

Holier Than Thou Attitude.

This is sad, I have just read, somewhere, a 'CHRISTIAN' saying that being gay is a white man's rottenness, and that it is the white man who is trying to force on us Africans... 

... I know what you all are thinking, I will not even get to that. 

All I can say is we need to be well informed before we speak; get your facts right about gayism, when it started, with which people an all that.

And it is sad that we can have such racist remarks while we claim to be Christlike. (Yeah, this was a self proclaimed man of God).

This person was confronted about many more evils, like pedophilia in churches and what not, and he goes right ahead to say that "the difference between sin in the church and gayism is that the ones in the church don't go ahead to claim it as a right, and that they bribe their ways outta the system".

So....... does that still make it okay?

I'm thinking if our gay brothers and sisters stopped asking for their rights, would he be okay with them and drop his petition???

I am not prophet, but if we are to make petitions about condemning sin, let it be fair, lets condemn ALLsin, period. 

Fornication

Adultery

Pedophilia

Prostitution

(Sure you are smiling now but continue to read)

Hate

Coveting your neighbours things/wife

Lust

Jealousy

Envy

Not loving your neighbour

(not your cup of tea, should I go on?)

Lying,

Stealing (even ideas)

Thinking ill of others

Dishonouring your father and mother

So really, who is without fault among us all?

To all of us starting these petitions, sijui causes, sijui nini, 

Be fair, logical and impartial, at the very least.

But above all, be like Christ, if you claim to be a Christian. 

Humans Are Funny.

Humans are funny
You know a lot
You are highly educated
You know how to tell right from wrong
You have even studied scripture

Yet you commit the very same sin, 20+ years straight
And confidently ask for forgiveness from Him, without repenting
But immediately you are wronged, you wanna kill your fellow human
You feel like you are justified to end his life
Yet you both were given life freely

Now you have made it
You have all you could ever want
Things are working out for you
You have friends all around you
But when you need them the most, you push them away
To suit your "so called elite way of life"

...They call it, being independent and "not wanting to burden others with my issues"

God was not high when he made us all in one universe
He was not high when he gave us life, family, friends, and love
Respect everyone, obey God and love like you would like to be loved
And all that bitterness that you try to get rid of
Through education, seminars and even partying,
Will be gone

Nairobi Girl.

Does experience truly define maturity

  

But there is something exciting,

when an under aged girl

drinks

Then she starts to look 

more like a woman   

  

Oddly enough, there's a certain power 

that comes with manipulation 

Sadly, she finds a haven of peace 

in a score 

and a California king size bed 

  

Eventually, 

this girl "grows up"

and eventually, everything seems 

smaller and nonsensical in her small small town

Then she reaches a point in her life,

where she understand the way of this so called "life"

that life always finds a way to f#ck her 

up into submission 

  

But she tells her inner self

the inner voice of reason

that it's easy to count days 

when truly all you are afraid of is a bump 

  

Flashback:

She goes back to the place where

she remembers how many times 

the friend inside 

suggests 

a simple solution 

  

Surely, she keeps asking herself

how many times can you drown before you lose the will to resurface? 

This college grad is at a difficult place

  

She hears the words of her father:

Self respect is a very hard lesson that sometimes is never quite learned 

  

But then again, dad is a hypocrite-never practicing what he preached.

This often happens, when you grow up in a competitive world, a man’s world, no father figure around and you're a girl. 

This happens when you're forced to live a life like that of generations past

  

When a girl gets here, she somehow gets a sick obsession 

with the most unappealing desires 

(most of you know this) 

Then the voice comes up again n her head, 

when she looks into his drunk ugly eyes that embody what hell really is like:

“It's easy to count the days when you find yourself at …”

Dear Valentine.

B, I love you.
I always have, ever since we met-
And I always will
To my grave.

No one else will have my heart
Coz' you and I, have, and will always be one
And that's not all - why I love you
It's also coz' you understand the silly things I do.

Looking at our journey,
Crazy one it has been
We have made our own terminology: Sophie, Charles
Only soulmates could share this kind of crazy.

And when the tough times came,
We stood the test of time
Glad I got to meet you
Glad I was so into you before I knew you.

You will always be my night in shiny armor
My prince
My King
My lord
I adore you.

My Own.

His voice, calms me
His scent intoxicates
His presence overwhelms
His touch, so gentle yet it provokes me
His mind, unbelievable
His heart, big enough to understand me
His love, unconditional so much so, that he finds me beautiful when I'm so unwell
His soul, so refreshing that he tells me I'm beautiful esp. on the days i feel I'm not
He forces me to go out when i do not even wanna leave my covers
He takes my hand and tells me he will lead me
And even on those paths where we clearly know not where we tread
He holds on tight to my hand, still leading, as he gropes his way outta the darkness
Now that's what you call faith
Even when all he heard was negativity, and all I got was hostility
Even when we both just wanted out of all this mess we "seemed" to be in
We somehow found comfort in our silence
And in it, found a way through
It all

He Said, She Said Part II.

Him: And what does la voce do to you that is so bad hun

Her:  awwwwwwww

My love

i just felt like i could hug u

but we are on virtual communication now

that cant happen

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :-(

Him: that is not so bad my lady is it?

Her:  well u got me all fuzzy and warm inside

and ur not here

so........................

thats bad!!!!!!!!!!

 Him: heheee..take it out on the Object of your attention then hun

Her:  Baibe... its Subject of my attention....

Him: la tortura la fixacon

Her:  well

i guess

i want

you

to

torturarme en' lugar

 Him: you want me to torture you baibe?

Her:  why not?

 Him: in your place...hmmm

Her:  im just saying, its better you take it out on me (whatever it may be, joy, lafta, tikly, sulking), than have someone random do that for you

Him: Luv, what would make you even think that is for anybody else?

 Her:  overthinking

thats just me

remember??

 Him: ok...

Her:  hehe its kina of a slow day

it's wet outside

and bleak

so im bound to be slow

Him: how when you know its a sign that me and you are gonna flow

Her:  haha

flow?

is that what ur going with??

Him: what would you rather i go with love

Her:  i dont know but i was just thinking

oh overthinking

things that flow…. Hmmm…….

Him: please go on my luv

dont stop

Her:  things that flow have a risk of having turbulence

the waters/liquid  

can get ripples at any time

(unless its aloe vera sap)

or unprocessed  honey

Him: the turbulence that comes when your body shakes before it brings that glorious liquid that sends ripples through your being and is as raw as unprocessed honey..hmm think you love that

Her:  Ohhhhhhhh

Him: yes yes yes yes

Her:  im working!!!!!!!!!! 

u want me to??????

Him: your legs are under your desk and she too

 Her:  haha u will not speak of 'cookie' like that!

Him: i spoke of her as the royal guardian of my luv's pleasures

Her:  uuuuuhhh pappi what are you doing to me.....

Him: you soo sent me spiralling down this road hun..

 Her:  i never!

no

not me

how now

 Him: just by having you seated by the desk typing your thoughts to me

Her:  "that" takes you "there"?

 Him: its soaking you all in and from there whoosh

Her:  mmmmmmmmmmm

Him: i am that simple child

Take Me Away.

Take me

Me away

Away from it all

All the hurt

Hurt never ending

Ending the pain

Pain i never wanna remember.

I am tired of struggling

All in vain

I just need some rest

Rest from the anxiety

Rest from all the worry

So have my heart

My tears, and just hold me

Till I replenish my strength.

He Is In Love.

To find a man who communicates his needs

and one who just gets my needs

not just to please

me, but in all honesty

is a rare possibility.

Simply down to be

with me, and him to be

the best he can be

around me, and all that he

becomes, around me, he

defines the best in me.

But how else can one perceive

this love so rough so sweet

this love so calm serene

this love of hers and me

this love occurs to we

this love is far from deep

it drowns in shallow creeks

deep down the public scene

it grows in bounds and leaps.

It has had us both down in tears

broke down and had to weep

deep down this love is sweet

deep down this love is weak

no need for strength with me
no need for power with him.

I Will Be There.

I will hold your hand

When no one else will

I will be there

When everyone around you is cold

I will feel your pain

When you think you are alone

I will share your joys

Coz we feel each other bone to bone

You need to remember I will do anything in my power

To keep all the bad days, sadness and anxiety gone

Always and forever...

Talking To You.

Your call wakes me up at 1615Hrs
And we start chatting
I am getting ready to go to work
And you are just leaving.

I call to inform you I've left the house
I'm off to slave
12 hours straight
What a shift!

You can tell from my IMs
That I'm not okay;
So you purpose
To keep this sleepy one awake.

Little do you know
That its going to have the same effect on you;
No sleep - yes...
But talking for 8 hours straight, who knew?

Fear... You.

I want to post what I write to you,

But I dunno if it will be understood,

You see, I write some things B that make me worry - who will read them.

Sometimes I am lonely in my mind,

That is why you are special to me!

You keep me company,

As a friend, lover, colleague, hater even;

You are all of that and more to me.

Love.

Happy she is

When she is with him

When she talks to him

Her heart is at peace

Like the waters still

Her love runs so deep, its seen through their eyes.

They love alone time

He doesn't like it when she sneaks a peek when they kiss

But loves to tuck her in

All in all, together, they experience divinity.