Foolishness.

I am angry
At what im feeling
At what my soul is yearning
No control, i am having
Thoughts of him are only looming
Thoughts of wanting
To scream and haul obscenities
At  the same time embrace and forgive a mistake realized
Torn between being myself
And standing up for myself
(trust me, they aint the same, esp in this case)
So im here
Talking to him
sharing what we used to share
grown up talks
silly jokes
but in my head
not in reality. 
I guess im a coward
and for now il settle for this foolishness
inside my head.