3:37 am.

I am complex

I can laugh heartily

I can wail for days

I am mostly happy

When I am out

But in my house I wail like a little girl

I can't control it sometimes

Sometimes a song can get me started

Other times the tears come as I sit in silence (I sit in silence a lot)

I ask myself why I cry so much

I make up reasons even I start believing

But deep down I know why

I know why I cry

I know when I am about to cry

When I wake up, I can tell, "This is the day that I will cry."

On my crying days, I will always be awake at 3:37 am

Praying to God that nobody hears my wailing

Sitting on my bed... dreaming

Dreaming of what it would be like if life was different

If I was born a boy instead of a girl

If I didn't study hard in school

If I didn't think too much about how people see me

If I didn't want to fix the world

If I didn't feel my close friends' pain inside me so deeply that it gave me sleepless nights

If I didn't overthink every single issue

If I did not have anxiety

If I didn't feel the need to have everything around me in a straight line or upright at a ninety degree angle

If I didn't know what drunkards truly felt at that hour

If I didn't know the feel of a slap on my face

If I hadn't seen the devil behind angry eyes

It's 3:37 am