#Borrowed.

I watched her enticing you from the other side of the bar
I noticed your instant arousal as she leaned in a bit too far
 

I knew you weren't going with her to bed
Cause I was planning deviously
To have you play with me instead

I let her try to charm you with her nervous giggling and pretty smile
I myself found it entertaining for a little while
And when the moment was just right
 

I walked past you both-flashed you a look
Your eyes got excited
Just that glance was all it took

I was heading to the bathroom
When you followed me
You almost ran behind
Chasing my sensuality
 

When you met me there
Parting your lips to speak
I shut them with my fingertips 

I knew words would only make you weak
 

Her flirtatious aroma lingered
On your skin
The scent intoxicated me as did the power of my win
I wondered if you knew her
Or it was the first time you had met 

The thought of it excited me, made me soaking wet
 

I placed my open mouth on yours
Caressed your tongue with mine
Traced my fingers down your back
Leaving scratches on your spine
 

You leaned me up against the wall
Searching for the jewels between my thighs
I reached for your manhood
Claiming the winning prize
 

I took you in my mouth
As your fingers found my treasure
In just a few moments of bathroom bliss
We showered each other with our pleasure

Unhappiness Is Comfortably Uncomfortable.

In the recent past, I have met very many unhappy people.

People searching for something more, something that excites them.

It makes me wonder, do we deliberately make decisions that lead to our unhappiness?

Are we so comfortable being unhappy that we've pitched camp there? 

If you are reading this, are you happy?

Do you think you have met the love of your life in this lifetime? And if so, would/did you end up marrying them?

(I'm sure you have heard this next question a zillion times...) ... Do you love what you do for a living? As in, if you woke up tomorrow and we are all in the 'garden of Eden' with all needs take care of, would you still do what you wake up to do every day?

Regardless of what your answers are, there's a reason you are reading this.

Go out, do things you always wanted to do.

Reach out to that girl/guy you think could be your soulmate.

Travel to unknown lands, if you can, alone.

Go get your happiness, it's waiting to be found by you.

Up-Side Down World.

Things that matter, don't,

Things that shouldn't do,

That's the world we live in.

You get a good thing going, but you sabotage it,

You love someone who doesn't,

When they start loving you back, your feelings change.

Saving Grace.

Some times I cannot get out of bed,
Some times I can't wait till day break to let the sun's rays hit my skin,

Some days I feel like the love I have in my heart can conquer any worldly evil,
Some times I am not sure that I even deserve any good in my life.

I battle anxiety... yes, I do.
I struggle with keeping depression at bay.

That, with a little bit of PTSD, can cripple you,
But I am determined to emerge victorious once this war in my being is over.

I have had suicidal thoughts, more times than I can count.
But the fact that I am here writing this, means I have somehow been strong enough to not give in to the enticing thought of ending it all.

I have had more than one friend committing suicide,
It felt like they betrayed me, it felt like they went back on the pact we had about holding it down
But I am the one being selfish, thinking that them ending their life is about betrayal.

People go through a whole lot of crap in this lifetime,
We just have to listen to the silent crys for help.

All I pray, is that by the time my day draws near,
All my friends and family will have known how much I love them, how much I fought to hold on and that I will go with no regrets.

Let's be our brothers keeper.
If you think about someone, call them, you might be their saving grace.

Father's Day.

A lot of us don't see our parents as people.  People who are scared, who love, who hurt, who make mistakes and who are growing each day. We don't look at our parents in the context of cultural upbringing and constraints and perhaps we never will.

By the time you see your parents as human you will probably be really close to getting a little terrorist of your own running round, depleting your resources, time and energy but who you also love so much.

It isn't easy being a father. A lot of our fathers endured strained or borderline abusive relationships with their fathers (sometimes mothers) or no relationship which they took out on us. There's no relationship that can replace your relationship with your father. I'm saying this with the most kick-ass mother the world has ever known. There's no one like a father.

We expect our fathers to show love in the ways that we understand and if not then they should be better fathers. They should be the dads that we mould in our heads.

I talked to a friend of mine to understand why he would deny being a father of a child we all knew was his. Beyond the laughter and the jokes he told me he didn't want to be the father his dad was to him and so he would rather not be there than do that to an innocent child. We are living in a world with a lot of hurt and broken men. Men who don't have a voice on such issues and men who don't believe that they need a voice.

Did your father ever tell you how scared he was when he heard he was going to have you? Did he tell you that he had no money and had endless sleepless  nights? Did he tell you that he had to do whatever job was necessary to provide.  Did your dads share the financial struggles they have gone through?  Did he share his journey to define himself in his life and in careers and the disillusionment he went through. Did he tell you about the challenges and complexity of marriage? Did he tell you that his marriage was falling apart and he didn't know what to do? Did he tell you that he was struggling with alcoholism or he was drinking because he was lonely?
Did he tell you about the mistakes he made in his youth? Did he tell you about the ways he wished they would have parented you better and the fact that he wished that he was closer to you? He probably wished he could but he lived in a time when he couldn't. He was a prisoner of his upbringing.

A lot of the structures of fatherhood were reactionary to the cultural situations and served a purpose. Men as providers served purpose and men held each other accountable. Men have been taught to place their value on their ability to provide and anything less than that is failure and I think that last part is where there is a need to do better. Beyond the failures, we had fathers who were present, fathers who disciplined us, fathers who sacrificed their dreams and ambitions to raise us, fathers who had us as their priority even though they wouldn't say it, fathers who guided us, who were extremely proud of us (most times when we were not there, always talking about us to friends or even strangers, too) fathers who gave us a fighting spirit, fathers who we are scarily similar to us, especially in our ways of thinking, fathers who gave us advice which didn't make sense at the moment but means the world now, fathers who we hope to be half as good as, fathers who did their best.

Our fathers were not invincible. They were not always wise in how they did things. Our fathers had insecurities and they couldn't share them with us.

A lot of our dads did a brilliant job and we are the proof of it. No you're not an exceptional success in spite of your father's failures. You're great because he lived through them and still raised you.

If your dad is still around and you have a strained relationship with him, make a move. Move past halfway and meet him where he is. The fact that you're able to picture a different sort of relationship with him means that you're privileged and he gave you that chance. Talk to him. It won't be easy but try make amends. It's never too late to repair a relationship. Do it while you still can. Be his safe space. Even the toughest of dads want a real relationship with their children which is why they start being more real with you as you grow older and have kids. Perhaps they're seeking redemption?

It's honestly one regret that you don't want to live with. If it is within your power, call him, talk to him, be there for him. Forgive him.

Happy Father's Day.

(No Title)

Life can be so overwhelming,

But it hasn’t destroyed our friendship that’s so beautiful.

Silence can be so strong,

But it hasn’t destroyed our friendship for so long.

Distance can be so devastating,

But it hasn’t destroyed our bond worth celebrating.

No force in the world has the intensity

To make us each other’s enemy.

For a special friend on their birthday.

I hope you enjoy all the good things life has to offer.

Control Freaks We Are.

When someone dies,


We want to tell ourselves a story.

... that it was our fault,

Because at least that gives us some sense of control.

We hate what we cannot control, we humans,


It's in our innate nature to want control everything.

But in these very situations that we cannot control,

Comes an overwhelming sense of dependency.

...on each other,

On God.